Effemelle...Sound It Out, Kids.

Back in Black

Nicole — Mon, 03 May 2010 22:26:48 +0000

Watch this space. I’m coming back to Blogland shortly. In the meantime, I slightly updated my About Me page.

Hallelujah Holy Shit Where’s the Tylenol

Nicole — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:05:32 +0000

The best laid plans of mice and chicks who start blogs right before giant unexpected life changes often go astray.

Things here have gotten absolutely crazy the past couple of weeks and I just plain am not going to have the time to blog for a while. I know I’ve barely gotten this place off the ground as it is, but this is still something I want to do…I just can’t do it right now.

Everything is fine; great, actually…just busy and crazy. Everyone take care and when I can be back, I will be back.

Before/After My Ass.

Nicole — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:59:20 +0000

I’d like to talk about a certain media phenomenon that really grinds my gears.

We’ve all see those stupid ads that show “before” and “after” photos and videos. I’ve seen everything from crazy diets and slimming shapewear to face cream and some weird neck toning device that probably is really a vibrator. Well, in case you hadn’t figured it out, I’m here to tell you that 99% of these before and after photos are complete bullshit. And 9 out of 10 statistics are totally made up.

Let’s examine one in particular, shall we? So I’m checking my Yahoo mail and come across this little beauty:

I resent the implication that freckles are a beauty no-no. I like my freckles, thankyouverymuch. Of course, I’m also pretty impaired when it comes to makeup, so who knows. Anyway, so I’m sure you’re thinking that the models do look like the same person. Well, my guess is that the only thing that’s the same in this photo is that nasty-ass red wig that they Photoshopped on afterwards.

Model A, the unfortunate Before, has thicker lips than Model B, After. Oh, you say, After is just smiling so her lips are stretched out more. Okay, fine. I also don’t think that their eyes are the same color…After looks like she’s wearing contacts. However, that could just be the photo and not actually the model. But how do you explain Before’s gap between her front teeth that After magically doesn’t have? Are you trying to tell me that this makeup is SO good that it’ll fix my teeth AND give me the perfect complexion? Why, I do declare. (That was my Blanche Devereaux impression. It’s not very good; I need to throw in something about being a whore next time.)

The most blatant “I-can’t-believe-the-ad-department-got-away-with-this” (and by “ad department”, I mean “one retarded monkey who ’shops this crap”) item, however, is the nose. COME ON. Before’s nose is rounded and normal-looking. After’s nose looks like Marcia Brady’s post-football-incident. Are we supposed to believe that the model’s nose deflated? Look at the overall shape! Unless Before got a nose job at a Tijuana veterinary hospital, I call shenanigans.

So take a closer look at those before and after photos and videos before you allow yourself to be sold on a product. Please don’t be as stupid as they think you are.

Now, I’ll see you all later. I’m off to tell everyone I’m Megan Fox after a brain transplant.

Edit 11/28/09: I’m perusing the greatness that is FAIL Blog and I found a nice link that fits in perfectly.

The Ghost of Blogs Yet to Come

Nicole — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:14:34 +0000

Hello and welcome to my little corner of the Interwebz. I appreciate you stopping by and I hope you’ll stick around. Here’s a little placeholder until I get this blog really rolling.

I have totally written my first post, but I lack photo editing software here at work and I promptly forget my need to edit the photo as soon as I head home. I’ll get on that. I promise.

Here are some other posts I have planned:

*Lots of holiday fun and mayhem. I love Christmas, but a lot of the luster has been lost as I’ve gotten older. I need fun reasons to keep my Christmas Spirit alive, so I’m going to find fun things to write about this season. After all, I can’t totally rely on Matt and the X-Entertainment crew. Well, I could, but that would just be lazy and no-’count.

*Most notably for the holidays, however, will be an advent calendar doohicky. Blatantly stealing the idea from the first X-Entertainment Advent Calendar, I’m going to pick a random advent calendar (because just about every toy line has one these days) and write about what goodies are contained therein. Should be fun and give me a reason to post every day for a month. Plus, I’ll get 25 toys, or reasonable facsimiles.

*An About Me page with a little background about myself. Inquiring minds wanna know, and all.

*An ode to my cat, with pictures, because I am a crazy cat lady and you will all love Cody as much as I do. I command it.

That’s all I can think of at the moment. Welcome, I hope you’ll enjoy what I have to say, and a special hello to anyone coming here from X-E. SHOUTOUTZ!