Before/After My Ass.
I’d like to talk about a certain media phenomenon that really grinds my gears.
We’ve all see those stupid ads that show “before” and “after” photos and videos. I’ve seen everything from crazy diets and slimming shapewear to face cream and some weird neck toning device that probably is really a vibrator. Well, in case you hadn’t figured it out, I’m here to tell you that 99% of these before and after photos are complete bullshit. And 9 out of 10 statistics are totally made up.
Let’s examine one in particular, shall we? So I’m checking my Yahoo mail and come across this little beauty:
I resent the implication that freckles are a beauty no-no. I like my freckles, thankyouverymuch. Of course, I’m also pretty impaired when it comes to makeup, so who knows. Anyway, so I’m sure you’re thinking that the models do look like the same person. Well, my guess is that the only thing that’s the same in this photo is that nasty-ass red wig that they Photoshopped on afterwards.
Model A, the unfortunate Before, has thicker lips than Model B, After. Oh, you say, After is just smiling so her lips are stretched out more. Okay, fine. I also don’t think that their eyes are the same color…After looks like she’s wearing contacts. However, that could just be the photo and not actually the model. But how do you explain Before’s gap between her front teeth that After magically doesn’t have? Are you trying to tell me that this makeup is SO good that it’ll fix my teeth AND give me the perfect complexion? Why, I do declare. (That was my Blanche Devereaux impression. It’s not very good; I need to throw in something about being a whore next time.)
The most blatant “I-can’t-believe-the-ad-department-got-away-with-this” (and by “ad department”, I mean “one retarded monkey who ‘shops this crap”) item, however, is the nose. COME ON. Before’s nose is rounded and normal-looking. After’s nose looks like Marcia Brady’s post-football-incident. Are we supposed to believe that the model’s nose deflated? Look at the overall shape! Unless Before got a nose job at a Tijuana veterinary hospital, I call shenanigans.
So take a closer look at those before and after photos and videos before you allow yourself to be sold on a product. Please don’t be as stupid as they think you are.
Now, I’ll see you all later. I’m off to tell everyone I’m Megan Fox after a brain transplant.